Rectangle

Monday, July 02, 2007

Some important suggestions for PC operators

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Another Form...

One great day in Bombay, One young couple was on honeymoon tour. They saw Santa in front of Hospital (Bridge Candy) was trying to fill some form.
So eagerly couple enquired "What are you doing Santa"
Santa replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
Young Couple as per preshedule, they took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination.
On the very next day, they find Santa, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked "Wahta are you doing Santa"
Santa once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
Couple said, "But Santa yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form. Why are you in Delhi ?".
Santa replied, "Sir, here in this form it is mentioned that FILL IN CAPITAL, so I`m here, in Delhi"

Special offer!

Santa goes into the dentist's office to get a bad tooth pulled. As he opens his mouth and the dentist is about to drill, he asks how long the procedure will take.
"You'll be out of here before you know it, and won't feel a thing - the local will last 10 minutes."
"And how much is this costing?" Santa asks.
"Rs 500" the dentist states plainly.
"Geesh," Santa grumbled, "it's a crime to be able to hold a man captive for five minutes and charge him Rs 500!"
"Then for you, I'll give you a special!" the dentist said, and Santa's face looked pleasantly relieved.
"I'll take 15 minutes to do the extraction."

Java Interview

Java Interview attended by our Banta:

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

forwarded mail

There was a good old barber in Bangalore. One day a
florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber
and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing
a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.



The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.



A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to
pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is
happy and leaves the shop.





The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his
door.





A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
again refuses the money saying that it was a community
service.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there......





Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ...
.
(Believe me it's worth!!!!!!!!!!)


..


..


..
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free
haircut... with Printouts of
forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut

Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more

Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep ot.

Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact diffe rence between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast
*sant* is offline Report Bad Post Reply With Quote

Some important suggestions for PC operators

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Bald

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.

If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.

If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

 

Friday, January 12, 2007

Boss

Once upon a time a boss was working for a company and he was expert in foxpro. he was thinking himself that "I am geek in programing and the best programmer in India".He had recruited some guys under him at a very low package without any extra facilities .Unfortunately he was thinking, my software team will be able to climb on the top of the 'Everest'(Ha!).He was all-in-one and Master of software/hardware/network/CA.....

He was expecting that all of his team-member should go through with their best expertism like Arkimidis,Gallilio,Einstain etc and will be working at such package that a layman will be feeling shame on the matter.His Name is Maneesh Kashera(MD cum Director cum Chairman cum CA cum CEO cum everything)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

laloo jokes

Kashmir on sale: Laloo
There is an emergency election in India and Laloo runs for the election on the campaign promise "I will solve the J & K problem with Pakistan in one WEEK!"

Because of the political equations he ends up becoming the Prime Minister.

As promised, he decides to meet the Pakistan's premier to hold talks on J & K. Both Laloo and Musharraf huddle in a meeting for 30 minutes. As they come out Musharraf announces that they are withdrawing support to the militants and J & K is India's to keep! Everyone is excited!

One reporter asks Laloo as to how he did it!

Laloo replies: I put J & K on sale. It's just like you "buy a TV and you get a camera free" kind a deal. I told Musharraf to take J & K and he will get Bihar for free!

Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Vegas?"
Operator: "just a minute, sir ..."
Laloo: "THANK YOU", and puts down the phone.

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says,"JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO PRASAD, MARRIED."

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims."YOU ARE A FOOL".
Laloo replies. "SEE THIS CARTOON, IT IS WRITTEN-"FOR 4-7 YRS".

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modeling. On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION!!
LALOO, THIRD FROM LEFT.

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state.Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."
Laloo was very surprised."You Japanese are very "inefficient", he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

***
During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine. The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grown up and became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist !"
The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold medalist !"
The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved, just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of State of Bihar !"

To my friend

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry",
not "where are you' but "I'm right here",
not "how could you" but "I understand",
not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."


To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years
spent together but How good you are for each other.


To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect
person." It's About finding someone who helps you
become the best person you can be.


To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep
as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to
survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.


To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be
consistent but not too persistent, share and never be
unfair, understand and try not to demand, and
get hurt but never keep the pain.


To My Friends Who Are............SEARCHING
True love cannot be found where it does not truly
exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. Love
is magic. The more we hide it, the more it
shows; the more you suppress it, the more it grows.


To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say I love if you don't care. Never talk about
feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if
you mean to break a heart. Never look in the
eye when what you do is lie. The cruelest thing a
person can do to another, is to let them fall in love
when they don't intend to catch their fall.


To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy
with someone else But it's more painful to know that
the one you love is unhappy with you.


To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts
even more when someone breaks up with you. But love
hurts the most when the person you love has no
idea how you feel.


To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone
who means a lot To you, only to find out in the end
that it was never meant to be and we Just have
to let go.


To My Friends Who Are............SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the
more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it
would come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often times it hurts,
but love's only special when you give it to someone
who is worth it. So take your time and choose
the best.