Rectangle

Monday, July 02, 2007

Some important suggestions for PC operators

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Another Form...

One great day in Bombay, One young couple was on honeymoon tour. They saw Santa in front of Hospital (Bridge Candy) was trying to fill some form.
So eagerly couple enquired "What are you doing Santa"
Santa replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
Young Couple as per preshedule, they took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination.
On the very next day, they find Santa, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked "Wahta are you doing Santa"
Santa once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
Couple said, "But Santa yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form. Why are you in Delhi ?".
Santa replied, "Sir, here in this form it is mentioned that FILL IN CAPITAL, so I`m here, in Delhi"

Special offer!

Santa goes into the dentist's office to get a bad tooth pulled. As he opens his mouth and the dentist is about to drill, he asks how long the procedure will take.
"You'll be out of here before you know it, and won't feel a thing - the local will last 10 minutes."
"And how much is this costing?" Santa asks.
"Rs 500" the dentist states plainly.
"Geesh," Santa grumbled, "it's a crime to be able to hold a man captive for five minutes and charge him Rs 500!"
"Then for you, I'll give you a special!" the dentist said, and Santa's face looked pleasantly relieved.
"I'll take 15 minutes to do the extraction."

Java Interview

Java Interview attended by our Banta:

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

forwarded mail

There was a good old barber in Bangalore. One day a
florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber
and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing
a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.



The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.



A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to
pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is
happy and leaves the shop.





The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his
door.





A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
again refuses the money saying that it was a community
service.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there......





Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ...
.
(Believe me it's worth!!!!!!!!!!)


..


..


..
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free
haircut... with Printouts of
forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut

Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more

Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep ot.

Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact diffe rence between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast
*sant* is offline Report Bad Post Reply With Quote

Some important suggestions for PC operators

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Bald

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.

If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.

If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

 

Friday, January 12, 2007

Boss

Once upon a time a boss was working for a company and he was expert in foxpro. he was thinking himself that "I am geek in programing and the best programmer in India".He had recruited some guys under him at a very low package without any extra facilities .Unfortunately he was thinking, my software team will be able to climb on the top of the 'Everest'(Ha!).He was all-in-one and Master of software/hardware/network/CA.....

He was expecting that all of his team-member should go through with their best expertism like Arkimidis,Gallilio,Einstain etc and will be working at such package that a layman will be feeling shame on the matter.His Name is Maneesh Kashera(MD cum Director cum Chairman cum CA cum CEO cum everything)