* That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is to be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
* That no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
* That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
* That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
* Thaty you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
* That you should'nt compare yourself to the best others can do.
* That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
* That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
* That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
* That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
* That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
* That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get up.
* That true friendship continues to grow; even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
* That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
* That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
* That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
* That it is'nt always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
* That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world does'nt stop for your grief.
* That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
* That just because two people argue, it does'nt mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it does't mean they do.
* That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
* That two people can look at the exact same thing and see womething totally different.
* That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
* That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
* That the people you care about most in life are taken from you soon.
-- By Anisha Ravi
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Computer Problem
In March 1999 a man living in Newtown near Boston,
Massachusetts, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card
stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.
In April he received another and threw that one away
too. The following month the credit card company sent him a
very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he
didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and
told him they'd take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time
that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if
there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his
ridiculous predicament.
However, in the first store that he produced his credit
card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had
been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologized for
the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for
$0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken
to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was
yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company
would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.
The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to
pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the
debt.
Finally giving in, he thought he would beat the company at their own
game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to
the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing
writing a cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the $0.00 cheque had
caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could not
now process ANY cheque from ANY of their customers that day because the
cheque for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash.
The following month the man received a letter from the credit card
company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by
return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt.
The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her
birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
Massachusetts, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card
stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.
In April he received another and threw that one away
too. The following month the credit card company sent him a
very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he
didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and
told him they'd take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time
that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if
there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his
ridiculous predicament.
However, in the first store that he produced his credit
card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had
been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologized for
the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for
$0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken
to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was
yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company
would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.
The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to
pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the
debt.
Finally giving in, he thought he would beat the company at their own
game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to
the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing
writing a cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the $0.00 cheque had
caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could not
now process ANY cheque from ANY of their customers that day because the
cheque for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash.
The following month the man received a letter from the credit card
company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by
return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt.
The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her
birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
How to drive people insane
How to drive people insane Part 1
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
3. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
5. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
6. Insist that your e-mail address be, xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com, or
Elvis_the_King@companyname.com
7. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
8. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chairdancing.
9. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
10. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
11. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza,doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back,rub your stomach,and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
12. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
13. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
***
How to drive people insane Part 2
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
14. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
15. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
16. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
17. Don't use any punctuation
18. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
19. Ask people what sex they are.
20. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
21. Sing along at the opera.
22. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
23. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
AND THE FINAL WAY TO ANNOY PEOPLE:
24 Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
3. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
5. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
6. Insist that your e-mail address be, xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com, or
Elvis_the_King@companyname.com
7. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
8. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chairdancing.
9. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
10. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
11. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza,doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back,rub your stomach,and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
12. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
13. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
***
How to drive people insane Part 2
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
14. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
15. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
16. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
17. Don't use any punctuation
18. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
19. Ask people what sex they are.
20. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
21. Sing along at the opera.
22. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
23. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
AND THE FINAL WAY TO ANNOY PEOPLE:
24 Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
great wisdom
***
GREAT WISDOM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you fart.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don't squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
17. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
18. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
19. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
20. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
21. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
22. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
23. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
24. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
25. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
26. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
28. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
GREAT WISDOM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you fart.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don't squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
17. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
18. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
19. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
20. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
21. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
22. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
23. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
24. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
25. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
26. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
28. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
***You Are Unique***
Think what a remarkable, unduplicatable,
and miraculous thing it is to be you!
Of all the people who have come and gone
on the earth, since the beginning of time,
not one of them is like you
No one who has ever lived or is to come has
had your combination of abilities, talents,
appearance, friends, acquaintances, burdens,
sorrows and opportunities.
No, one's hair grows exactly the way yours does. No one's finger prints are like yours.
No one has the same combination of secret
inside jokes and family expressions that you know.
The few people who laugh at all the same things you do, don't sneeze the way you do.
No one prays about exactly the same concerns as you do. No one is loved by the same
combination of people that love you
No one before, no one to come.
You are absolutely unique!
Enjoy that uniqueness. You do not have to
pretend in order to seem more like someone else. You weren't meant to be like someone else. You do not have to lie to conceal the parts of you that are not like what you see in anyone else.
You were meant to be different. Nowhere ever
in all of history will the same things be going
on in anyone's mind, soul and spirit as are
going on in yours right now.
If you did not exist, there would be a hole in
creation, a gap in history, something missing
from the plan for humankind.
Treasure your uniqueness. It is a gift given only to you. Enjoy it and share it!
No one can reach out to others in the same way
that you can. No one can speak your words.
No one can convey your meanings. No one can
comfort with your kind of comfort. No one can
bring your kind of understanding to another
person.
No one can be cheerful and lighthearted and
joyous in your way. No one can smile your smile.
No one else can bring the whole unique impact of
you to another human being.
Share your uniqueness. Let it be free to flow out
among your family and friends and people you
meet in the rush and clutter of living wherever you are. That gift of yourself was given you to enjoy
and share.
Give yourself away!
See it! Receive it! Let it tickle you!
Let it inform you and nudge you and inspire you!
You Are Unique
Author Unknown
and miraculous thing it is to be you!
Of all the people who have come and gone
on the earth, since the beginning of time,
not one of them is like you
No one who has ever lived or is to come has
had your combination of abilities, talents,
appearance, friends, acquaintances, burdens,
sorrows and opportunities.
No, one's hair grows exactly the way yours does. No one's finger prints are like yours.
No one has the same combination of secret
inside jokes and family expressions that you know.
The few people who laugh at all the same things you do, don't sneeze the way you do.
No one prays about exactly the same concerns as you do. No one is loved by the same
combination of people that love you
No one before, no one to come.
You are absolutely unique!
Enjoy that uniqueness. You do not have to
pretend in order to seem more like someone else. You weren't meant to be like someone else. You do not have to lie to conceal the parts of you that are not like what you see in anyone else.
You were meant to be different. Nowhere ever
in all of history will the same things be going
on in anyone's mind, soul and spirit as are
going on in yours right now.
If you did not exist, there would be a hole in
creation, a gap in history, something missing
from the plan for humankind.
Treasure your uniqueness. It is a gift given only to you. Enjoy it and share it!
No one can reach out to others in the same way
that you can. No one can speak your words.
No one can convey your meanings. No one can
comfort with your kind of comfort. No one can
bring your kind of understanding to another
person.
No one can be cheerful and lighthearted and
joyous in your way. No one can smile your smile.
No one else can bring the whole unique impact of
you to another human being.
Share your uniqueness. Let it be free to flow out
among your family and friends and people you
meet in the rush and clutter of living wherever you are. That gift of yourself was given you to enjoy
and share.
Give yourself away!
See it! Receive it! Let it tickle you!
Let it inform you and nudge you and inspire you!
You Are Unique
Author Unknown
bill gates in hell
Bill gates has been in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95.
I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter : "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
Bill : "Fine, but where should I go first?"
St. Peter : "I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing, and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!".
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire". So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by daemons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95.
I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter : "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
Bill : "Fine, but where should I go first?"
St. Peter : "I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing, and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!".
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire". So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by daemons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
some definintions
Some meaningful definitions....
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumour :- News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary:- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College :- A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Marriage :- It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.
Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:-A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken off when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer :- One who is paid for reading this !
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumour :- News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary:- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College :- A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Marriage :- It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.
Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:-A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken off when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer :- One who is paid for reading this !
Punjab question paper
PUNJAB BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER
PART A ( Questions 1 to 19) [This one's slightly more difficult than last year's]
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabet are allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex? ( ) Male ( ) Female ( ) Sardar
3. What's your age group? ( ) less than 0 ( ) equal to 0 ( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + 2=? ( ) FOUR ( ) 4 ( ) IV
5. If you have one brother, how many brothers does your brother have? ( ) none ( ) one ( ) question is too personal
6. Complete the following sentence... (4 marks) ______ ________ ________ _________ .
7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?
8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question: "My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself". Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement? ( ) None ( ) some times ( ) uncountable
9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get: ( ) One rupee? ( ) 100 paise?
10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences... (HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a _______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)
11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?
12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrayani Express come?
13. What do you do on a honeymoon? ( ) Collect Honey ( ) Admire Moon ( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon
14. Earth is Flat? ( ) True ( ) Indeed True
15. If A = B and B = C then is B = A? ( ) TRUE ( ) NOT FALSE ( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during dinnertime?
17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.
18. Complete the following poem: Mary had a little lamb Little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or "^")
19. This is question number ( ) 1 ( ) 19 ( ) 20
PART A ( Questions 1 to 19) [This one's slightly more difficult than last year's]
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabet are allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex? ( ) Male ( ) Female ( ) Sardar
3. What's your age group? ( ) less than 0 ( ) equal to 0 ( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + 2=? ( ) FOUR ( ) 4 ( ) IV
5. If you have one brother, how many brothers does your brother have? ( ) none ( ) one ( ) question is too personal
6. Complete the following sentence... (4 marks) ______ ________ ________ _________ .
7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?
8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question: "My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself". Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement? ( ) None ( ) some times ( ) uncountable
9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get: ( ) One rupee? ( ) 100 paise?
10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences... (HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a _______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)
11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?
12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrayani Express come?
13. What do you do on a honeymoon? ( ) Collect Honey ( ) Admire Moon ( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon
14. Earth is Flat? ( ) True ( ) Indeed True
15. If A = B and B = C then is B = A? ( ) TRUE ( ) NOT FALSE ( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during dinnertime?
17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.
18. Complete the following poem: Mary had a little lamb Little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or "^")
19. This is question number ( ) 1 ( ) 19 ( ) 20
ECE interview
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to
carry a current in
A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a
sinusoid)
and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire
has to be
thicker.
--------------
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet
carries AC or DC
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed
away, it is
AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.
--------------
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an
induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base,
turn the
motor around,and put back the bolts.
--------------
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising
pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling
pitch)
--------------
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an
integrated
circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
--------------
External (to student) : " Why does a capacitor block
DC but
allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK.
DC Comes
straight,like this ----------, and the capacitor stops
it. But
AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the
capacitor!"
-------------
Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student : "A transformer that is put on top of
electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down
transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in
the
basement or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a
transformer that
is installed on the ground?"
(student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless
transformer,sir!"_________________________
carry a current in
A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a
sinusoid)
and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire
has to be
thicker.
--------------
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet
carries AC or DC
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed
away, it is
AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.
--------------
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an
induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base,
turn the
motor around,and put back the bolts.
--------------
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising
pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling
pitch)
--------------
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an
integrated
circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
--------------
External (to student) : " Why does a capacitor block
DC but
allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK.
DC Comes
straight,like this ----------, and the capacitor stops
it. But
AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the
capacitor!"
-------------
Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student : "A transformer that is put on top of
electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down
transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in
the
basement or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a
transformer that
is installed on the ground?"
(student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless
transformer,sir!"_________________________
monkey and hat
There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back from the market. The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realised was that all his hats were gone. He heard some monkeys on the tree and so he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The hat-seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. He thinks and thinks and starts scratching his head. The next moment, he realised that the monkeys were doing the same action. Next, he took down his own hat and an himself and the monkeys do exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
If you think you have read this before.......................... read on!!!
Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realised that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all the hats. He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys follows. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Jack threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still holded on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather?
If you think you have read this before.......................... read on!!!
Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realised that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all the hats. He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys follows. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Jack threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still holded on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather?
superviser meaning
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Average : Not too bright.
Exceptionally well qualified : Has committed no major blunders to date.
Active socially : Drinks heavily.
Unlimited potential : Will stick with us until retirement.
Quick thinking : Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress : Buys drinks for superiors.
Stern disciplinarian : A real jerk.
Tactful in dealing with superiors : Knows when to keep mouth shut.
Approaches difficult problems with logic : Finds someone else to do the job.
A keen analyst : Thoroughly confused.
Not a desk person : Did not go to college.
Expresses self well : Can string two sentences together.
Spends extra hours on the job : Miserable home life.
Conscientious and careful : Scared.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership : Has a loud voice.
Judgment is usually sound : Lucky.
Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike : A coward.
Slightly below average : Stupid.
Of great value to the organization : Turns in work on time.
Is unusually loyal : Wanted by no-one else.
Alert to company developments : An office gossip.
Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment : Lazy and hard-headed.
Hard worker : Usually does it the hard way.
Enjoys job : Needs more to do.
Happy : Paid too much.
Well organized : Does too much busywork.
Competent : Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Will go far : Relative of management.
Should go far : Please.
Uses time effectively : Clock watcher.
Very creative : Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
Average : Not too bright.
Exceptionally well qualified : Has committed no major blunders to date.
Active socially : Drinks heavily.
Unlimited potential : Will stick with us until retirement.
Quick thinking : Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress : Buys drinks for superiors.
Stern disciplinarian : A real jerk.
Tactful in dealing with superiors : Knows when to keep mouth shut.
Approaches difficult problems with logic : Finds someone else to do the job.
A keen analyst : Thoroughly confused.
Not a desk person : Did not go to college.
Expresses self well : Can string two sentences together.
Spends extra hours on the job : Miserable home life.
Conscientious and careful : Scared.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership : Has a loud voice.
Judgment is usually sound : Lucky.
Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike : A coward.
Slightly below average : Stupid.
Of great value to the organization : Turns in work on time.
Is unusually loyal : Wanted by no-one else.
Alert to company developments : An office gossip.
Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment : Lazy and hard-headed.
Hard worker : Usually does it the hard way.
Enjoys job : Needs more to do.
Happy : Paid too much.
Well organized : Does too much busywork.
Competent : Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Will go far : Relative of management.
Should go far : Please.
Uses time effectively : Clock watcher.
Very creative : Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
why men fear marriage
***
Why men fear marriage?
1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Before we met.
2. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
3. I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
4. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
5. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
6. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
7. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
8. My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
9. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
10. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
11. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
12. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
13. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
14. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
15. A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."
Why men fear marriage?
1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Before we met.
2. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
3. I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
4. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
5. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
6. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
7. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
8. My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
9. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
10. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
11. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
12. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
13. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
14. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
15. A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."
Saturday, July 01, 2006
3q
I am going to ask you three questions. And you have to answer
them instantly. You can't take your time you have to answer
immediately. O.K.?
Let's find just how clever you really are ........ Ready? GO
!!!!!
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake
the second. What position do you finish?
NOW! See the answer below..
Answer: If you answer that you arrived first, then you are
absolutely wrong!!! because you overtake the second and you
take his place so you arrived second!!! !!
To answer the second question don't take as much time as you
took for the first question. Second Question: If you overtake
the last then you arrive...?
Answer: If you answer that you arrived second last then you
are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the last if he
was last!!!! The question is wrong! You're not very good at
this are you???
Third Question Subject: *Very very Tricky maths! Note: This
riddle must be done IN YOUR HEAD ONLY and NOT using paper and
a pen. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What is the total? (scroll down for answer)
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don' t
believe it? Check with your calculator! The decimal sequence
confuses our brain, that always jumps to the highest decimals
(100s instead of 10s).
That should have you in a bad mood for the rest of the day!!!
You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
And finally ... Quote for the day: "Computer games don't
affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all
be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and
listening to repetitive electronic music."
them instantly. You can't take your time you have to answer
immediately. O.K.?
Let's find just how clever you really are ........ Ready? GO
!!!!!
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake
the second. What position do you finish?
NOW! See the answer below..
Answer: If you answer that you arrived first, then you are
absolutely wrong!!! because you overtake the second and you
take his place so you arrived second!!! !!
To answer the second question don't take as much time as you
took for the first question. Second Question: If you overtake
the last then you arrive...?
Answer: If you answer that you arrived second last then you
are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the last if he
was last!!!! The question is wrong! You're not very good at
this are you???
Third Question Subject: *Very very Tricky maths! Note: This
riddle must be done IN YOUR HEAD ONLY and NOT using paper and
a pen. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What is the total? (scroll down for answer)
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don' t
believe it? Check with your calculator! The decimal sequence
confuses our brain, that always jumps to the highest decimals
(100s instead of 10s).
That should have you in a bad mood for the rest of the day!!!
You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
And finally ... Quote for the day: "Computer games don't
affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all
be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and
listening to repetitive electronic music."
haikoo
Some programmers in Japan have replaced the impersonal and
unhelpful
Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poems.
Haiku poetry has strict construction rules. Each poem has only
three lines,
17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the
second, five
in the third.
Haiku's are used to communicate a timeless message, often
achieving a
wistful yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity
- the essence
of Zen.
Here are the new error messages, haiku style:
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The website you seek
Cannot be located,
But countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen.
Mind. Both are blank.
(from Kate Armstrong)
unhelpful
Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poems.
Haiku poetry has strict construction rules. Each poem has only
three lines,
17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the
second, five
in the third.
Haiku's are used to communicate a timeless message, often
achieving a
wistful yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity
- the essence
of Zen.
Here are the new error messages, haiku style:
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The website you seek
Cannot be located,
But countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen.
Mind. Both are blank.
(from Kate Armstrong)
***Three Turtles***
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a
picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled
sodas, and sandwiches. The
trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles
take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive,
everyone's exhausted. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket,
one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, 'all right,
Steve, gimme the bottle opener.' 'I didn't bring the bottle
opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Joe gets
worried. He turns to Raymond. 'Raymond, do you have the bottle
opener?'
Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck
ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Raymond
to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses,
knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond
to go, swearing on their great grand turtles' graves that they
won't touch the food.
So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily.
Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and
puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and
still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise. After three more
days pass without Raymond in sight,
Steve starts getting restless. 'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a
hint of dementia in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We
promised.' Five more days pass.
Joe realizes that Raymond probably skipped out to the diner
down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a
sandwich, and
open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant,
Raymond
pops out from behind a rock, and says, 'I knew it!, That's it!
I'm not going.'
picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled
sodas, and sandwiches. The
trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles
take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive,
everyone's exhausted. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket,
one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, 'all right,
Steve, gimme the bottle opener.' 'I didn't bring the bottle
opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Joe gets
worried. He turns to Raymond. 'Raymond, do you have the bottle
opener?'
Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck
ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Raymond
to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses,
knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond
to go, swearing on their great grand turtles' graves that they
won't touch the food.
So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily.
Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and
puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and
still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise. After three more
days pass without Raymond in sight,
Steve starts getting restless. 'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a
hint of dementia in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We
promised.' Five more days pass.
Joe realizes that Raymond probably skipped out to the diner
down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a
sandwich, and
open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant,
Raymond
pops out from behind a rock, and says, 'I knew it!, That's it!
I'm not going.'
Young and old
Young Man : Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man : Certainly not.
Young Man : Sir, but why ? What are you going to
loose, if you tell me
the time.?
Old Man : Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.
Young Man : But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and
may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man : Quite possible.
Old Man : May be we meet two three times more and you
will ask my name
and address.
Young Man : Quite possible.
Old Man : One day you may come to my house saying you
were just passing
by and came in to wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will
offer you a cup
of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to
come again. This
time you will appreciate tea and ask as to who has
made it.?
Young Man : Possible
Old Man : Then I will tell you that my daughter has
made it and I will
then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to
you.You will
admire my daughter.
Young Man : Smiles.
Old Man : Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter
again and again.
You will offer her to go out for a movie together
Young Man : Smiles
Old Man : My daughter may start liking you and start
waiting for you.
After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her
and
propose her for marriage.
Young Man : Smiles
Old Man : One day both of you will come to me and tell
me about your
love and ask for my permission.
Young Man : Oh Yes! and smiles.
Old Man : (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my
daughter to a
person like you who does not even own a watch.
Young Man : Shocked
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Old Man : Certainly not.
Young Man : Sir, but why ? What are you going to
loose, if you tell me
the time.?
Old Man : Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.
Young Man : But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and
may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man : Quite possible.
Old Man : May be we meet two three times more and you
will ask my name
and address.
Young Man : Quite possible.
Old Man : One day you may come to my house saying you
were just passing
by and came in to wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will
offer you a cup
of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to
come again. This
time you will appreciate tea and ask as to who has
made it.?
Young Man : Possible
Old Man : Then I will tell you that my daughter has
made it and I will
then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to
you.You will
admire my daughter.
Young Man : Smiles.
Old Man : Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter
again and again.
You will offer her to go out for a movie together
Young Man : Smiles
Old Man : My daughter may start liking you and start
waiting for you.
After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her
and
propose her for marriage.
Young Man : Smiles
Old Man : One day both of you will come to me and tell
me about your
love and ask for my permission.
Young Man : Oh Yes! and smiles.
Old Man : (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my
daughter to a
person like you who does not even own a watch.
Young Man : Shocked
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cellphone in the Locker room
There are several men in the locker room of a private club
after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the
benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a
beautiful mink coat... it is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy
it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw
the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the
salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we
need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What
price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning
and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's on
sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of
park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $850,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have
that much in
the bank to cover..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $820,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand
while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the
benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a
beautiful mink coat... it is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy
it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw
the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the
salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we
need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What
price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning
and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's on
sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of
park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $850,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have
that much in
the bank to cover..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $820,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand
while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
*** The Notes ***
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them could accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help.
Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple liked the suggestion and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise.
He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple liked the suggestion and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise.
He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
-=- Letters -=-
***
This morning as I rose from bed and saw the sun above,
I softly said "Good Morning God, bless everyone I love".
And right away I thought of you and said a loving prayer
That He would bless you especially and keep you from care.
I thought of all the happiness your day could hold in store;
And wished it all for you, because no one deserves it more.
I felt so warm and good inside, my heart was all aglow
I know God heard my prayer for you,
He hears them all you know.
***
Today when I signed online,
I was happy and pleased to see.
That in my incoming mail,
Was a letter from you to me.
I love the cards you send me
And all the giggles too!
But the biggest thrill of all,
Was seeing it came from you.
Now we don't talk that much
So letters and cards say it all.
But I want you to know they're special
No matter how big or small.
So keep the e-mail coming
I love it ever so much.
And know its really appreciated,
Whenever you keep in touch! ;-)
***
My ABC's of Friendship...
Always There For You!
Brighten The Days!
Caring & Considerate!
Delightful To Know!
Encouraging Hearts!
Forever Friends!
Generosity!
Honest & Trustworthy!
Integrity!
Joking Around!
Kindhearted!
Life, Love & Laughter!
Miles Make No Difference!
Neverending Support!
Open Talks!
Precious To Me!
Quiet Times Too!
ROFLMAO With You!
Sharing Pieces of Our Souls!
Thank You, For Being You!
Understanding Ways!
Valuable Gift Of Friendship!
Wonderful Person You Are!
X's, O's & Bunches Of Love!
You Are So Special!
Zany Times & Zest For Life!
***
This morning as I rose from bed and saw the sun above,
I softly said "Good Morning God, bless everyone I love".
And right away I thought of you and said a loving prayer
That He would bless you especially and keep you from care.
I thought of all the happiness your day could hold in store;
And wished it all for you, because no one deserves it more.
I felt so warm and good inside, my heart was all aglow
I know God heard my prayer for you,
He hears them all you know.
***
Today when I signed online,
I was happy and pleased to see.
That in my incoming mail,
Was a letter from you to me.
I love the cards you send me
And all the giggles too!
But the biggest thrill of all,
Was seeing it came from you.
Now we don't talk that much
So letters and cards say it all.
But I want you to know they're special
No matter how big or small.
So keep the e-mail coming
I love it ever so much.
And know its really appreciated,
Whenever you keep in touch! ;-)
***
My ABC's of Friendship...
Always There For You!
Brighten The Days!
Caring & Considerate!
Delightful To Know!
Encouraging Hearts!
Forever Friends!
Generosity!
Honest & Trustworthy!
Integrity!
Joking Around!
Kindhearted!
Life, Love & Laughter!
Miles Make No Difference!
Neverending Support!
Open Talks!
Precious To Me!
Quiet Times Too!
ROFLMAO With You!
Sharing Pieces of Our Souls!
Thank You, For Being You!
Understanding Ways!
Valuable Gift Of Friendship!
Wonderful Person You Are!
X's, O's & Bunches Of Love!
You Are So Special!
Zany Times & Zest For Life!
***
Let's PARTY
A research conducted on a herd of wild African buffalo shows that the herd can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates.
Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved during their university years.
So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that pint! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.
HEE HEE
SO HURRY
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates.
Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved during their university years.
So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that pint! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.
HEE HEE
SO HURRY
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